"Farewell to a Dumbass"
©1996 by Dorian Beth Wenzel
Click photo for closeup of photos and text
An artist friend of my mine who is a coworker with me at the photo lab shared with me that he had received a strange package of a black leather collar from his gay buddy back East. No note, no explanation.
He asked me what I thought of it and I jokingly replied, "Maybe he wants you to be his slave?"
"No, he knows that I'm straight," James explained.
Still we wondered what the symbolism could mean.
Later on that day, James made a phone call to a mutual friend of theirs who would know the whereabouts of the owner of the collar. Appearently, he had sent packages of his "Joy Toy" collection to all of his closest friends. He wanted them to know that he was now HIV+ and that they were to send him something back for the shrine he was making for himself.
James made him a series of Polaroid photos of himself wearing the black leather collar with his own startling personal farewell statements written under each one.
I could sense his anger, his sadness, and yes, his tough love for his friend with AIDS. He asked me what I thought of the photos and their harsh comments, and I told him that I felt it was an appropriate response to someone who had been so careless and carefree.
What does James' friend expect from him? Someone to hold his hand while he plays his own version of Russian roulette for having unprotected sex? I told James that it would make a great story to warn others who aren't taking this deadly disease seriously.
Way too many people are still not taking AIDS seriously. They have either an invincible or an apathetic attitude towards AIDS. I guess they take it for granted what their death will mean to their family and friends, the survivors of the AIDS epidemic.
We are the one who will stand at their grave and mourn their passing.
We are the ones who have candlelight vigils for AIDS awareness.
We are the ones who hand out condoms so nobody will have careless, unprotected sexual relations.
We are the ones who will lobby the politicians for more money for AIDS education and other related programs.
We are the ones who try to communicate the importance of Safer Sex with those who don't practice it because we don't want to see anyone else die a senseless death from AIDS! But the numbers of those infected with the HIV virus continues to increase daily, with no end in sight.
Someday, the AIDS quilt will cover all of America, from coast to coast, with all the names of those who have died from AIDS related deaths. Everyone will be affected by it in some way. The young, the old, and all those in between are eligible to catch it, and nobody is safe!
Who's name will be next to be added to its growing list? Why does it happen when it doesn't have to?
On a lighter note, we need to keep a sense of humor and adventure about life. We need to keep a positive attitude so we don't become fear motivated zombies, who are afraid to live anymore. We can't be afraid of love, life, or intimacy.
I enjoyed the comedy, "Jeffery," a movie about a single gay man's dilemma of dealing with life in the '90s. The main character was too overwhelmed with the age of AIDS, so he decided to just give up on sex and romance.
Everything that was once fun and spontaneous about sex seems so complicated now. In the course of the movie, his friend with AIDS suddenly dies and comes back in a vision to reveal his secret of modern life to Jeffrey.
"HATE AIDS, NOT LIFE! Just think of AIDS like the guest that won't leave. The one we all hate. But you have to remember, it's still our party!"
So I wrote this and let James read it to see what he thought of it. He said that it reflects just how he feels about it all. I felt it reflects how a lot of us feel about those who still want to be careless about their sexual escapades, even after more that a decade of AIDS awareness. I hope it makes an impact on the next generation BEFORE it's too late for them!
R.I.P.- for we will surely miss you!