"Why Gay Pride"
(or "Love Thy Neighbor")
©1996 by Dorian Beth Wenzel
Click photo for closeup of bumper stickers
I recently had a dispute with the next door neighbor of mine in our somewhat peaceful apartment building. She is an old-fashioned country girl in her early fourties, twice divorced and the mother of three children, one a pre-teen boy who was still at home. She had lived next to me for about three years, was out to her, and thought everything was cool between us. Or so I had thought.
When my two tiny, rainbow Pride flags blew away in a terrible windstorm one night, I replaced them with a rainbow bandana that I had bought while on a vacation in San Francisco. That was when my nice neighbor lady turned into the wicked witch and decided she had to tell me her opinion about homosexuals. She had left a disturbing note for me on my front door. It said she found my "lesbian" flag to be offensive and didn't understand why I had to display it in public view, along with her personal opinion on our immorality. And because the new flag was much larger and easier to see from the street, even though it was desolate and a dead-end, she was very concerned that someone might mistaken it as being hers. She requested that the flag be immediately removed before someone other than our neighbors seen it.
Because we're in the heart of Amendment 2 country, home of Colorado for Family Values and Focus on the Family Ministry, this was not an uncommon request. Even my HATE IS NOT A FAMILY VALUE bumper sticker can evoke harsh statements from other motorists such as "Fucking Lesbian!"; the message becomes lost to the blind and hardhearted.
Her request made me feel violated in my own personal sanctuary. I had chosen to sensor my life by not watching or reading the depressing and discriminating local news because of their bias towards gays. Her note had hit me hard.
So, there I was sitting in my unlit apartment at dusk crying because I was shocked and very hurt by her concerning note. I thought about her "polite" but bigoted request. I thought about what if an angry mob of offended citizens came knocking on my front door, and was afraid for my personal safety and for my few belongings. I thought about how I could be evicted from my apartment or fired from my job just because I'm a lesbian, and unprotected by anti-discrimination laws.
If Amendment 2 had been allowed to become a law in Colorado, it would have negated any gay-rights laws in the cities that have one. But Colorado Springs was Republican conservative country and where the citizens of the beautiful state fostered the bill for Amendment 2 because they weren't going to be told who they could discriminate against.
When Colorado for Family Values made a request to the Manitou Springs counsel not to use the word "rainbow" in a public human relations campaign because they found it to be offensive and promoting of the homosexual agenda, the officials told C.F.V. in a very public announcement that they should focus on their own families and not on such stupid controversies. The Manitou Springs peoples did not want to be recognized by the same intolerance, the same prejudices and the same bigotry! They stood their ground for the rights of all people, even queers!
I thought about why we need to have gay pride, and a celebration for Gay Pride Month and Coming Out Day. Why should we have pride for being queer? Maybe it comes from the anger of being oppressed all of our lives. Maybe it comes from the strength to stand up to others and refuse to accept the lies that they promote about us. Maybe it comes from a desire to just piss off the bigots of this fine society we live among. Wherever it comes from, it comes from an individual who has survived in a hostile "straight" world that finds us a threat to their morals, beliefs and lifestyle. How could we ever be a threat to their heterosexuality? Ain't that just a big pile of bullshit!
We are everywhere and we are not going to go away just because someone different from us but the majority of people wants us to. It makes me want to stand up and scream! It makes me want to march in the Gay Pride parade and cheer and wave my arms like a maniac. It makes me want to kiss my lover and hold her hand in public, and not care that I'm offending them. It makes me want to fight the system and stand up for Human Rights, a concept that belongs to all people!
Are we not human beings, with families and jobs and housing just like them? Are we not mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles? We are single, in committed relationships, and even in heterosexual marriages because some are afraid of loosing their families, their friends, or their jobs.
We need to become even more visible so that others will be less likely to vote for anti-gay legislature. We all need to speak out against oppression and prejudice because when it is left unchecked, it will grow into campaigns of hatred and fear against those that are "different".
I decided to write back to my bigoted neighbor to explain my position in this matter and that I would not be removing my Pride bandana that I hung on our porch railing. I also stated that all of my life society had found me to be offensive for being different. When I was a child, I was told that I would never be pretty or feminine enough. When I was a Christian lay-minister, I was told that although I was a celibate giving my love, sweat and tears for the cause, I would never be good enough because I was gay.
I had made the decision to leave the ministry because I would not hide who I was any longer. I would not hide who I love or how I choose to live my life. I could not live my life by what other thought of me!
I also wrote to my neighbor that I felt that she didn't have the right to oppress my freedom of expression in this situation. I even looked up the word "bigot" in the dictionary and told her that it was defined as "someone who is intolerant of anothers' beliefs." I decided that I could not meet her request because it was based on bigotry and fear.
I hope she finds the strength to forgive any anger on my part to see the truth of my words. People need to understand what love and diversity are all about. Tolerance is the concept of accepting that another person has a right to their own beliefs. But some people have a hard time grasping that concept and negate it by saying they won't accept that persons' beliefs because it is contrary to their own. Diversity is such a gift that is wasted by their narrow view of others.
Most likely not in my lifetime, but someday one generation will rise up to the call of love, not hate. And in that day, my spirit will cry a tear of joy, not pain.